what, perchance, did you think I had returned to this page for?
sweet lullabies, tender remembrances?
just who the fuck did you think you were talking to?
my brother died the other day
choking on his own damn self
on heroin and heart attack and too many motherfucking years done
we were all there, some in spirit
some in flesh
it don’t get no more real than that, don’t give a damn where you from
but once you walk through that gate
ain’t no coming back
didn’t your momma teach you nothing?
when you got women pulling up your shirtsleeves looking for a tattoo
something to memorialize you by
that ain’t a swastika or bol
these words are numb and hollow
much like their author and the originator of the dream
move slowly through the lazy texas summers
love passionately and slavishly
you might never do so again
i'm here to tell you it won't ever be that easy
not ever
ever again
you can want with all your heart and soul
but those years on concrete tiers and inside steel walls
cages that men build to break wings and conceal fears
will do to you what has happened to me
you get so sick to your soul
that you the needle and the pistol will seem like your only answers
that you will scream at the sky
that same sky that you so fervently dreamed of seeing
with no gun tower
letting you go is almost as painful
as making you come
we've been up and down this road so many times
sometimes you wear her face
at other times
another
but you're all the goddess to me
i've washed myself of you so many times
watched you bleed tears and succumb
then rise again
burning bright and laughing
there's envy in the spite with which i cast you aside
because there's no such rebirth waiting for me
just the endless procession of days
months
and years
i move in my devious and corrupt ways, handling things
people
lives
with the intensity of a train hurtling through the night
let me say this, clearly and loudly
i didn't want this
not now, n
